Vitamins vitamins....

I had a really hard time with my vitamin this morning - had half then the other half which turned my belly before it even got down my throat - one large dry reach and it was out lol

So, this morning I went to the pharmacy (not my regular one) and in soluble vitamins they had berocca and a travel vitamin. The travel one didn'nt have B in it at all and berocca I heard has an ingredient that has seen it banned in some countries sooooooooooo.... the attendant suggested a tonic! I didn't know that we even used that word LOL But I bought it - its called Clements Tonic by Extralife and it's pretty good! I hate the taste of vitamins and this is no different but it has all the regulars in it plus ginko ginseng and selenium so it has a decent range PLUS it has the benefit of being in liquid form so it's easily absorbed by the body. I just added it to some OJ and it was fine....

just thought it may be a nice alternative for others who aren't into soluble tables and such :)

Food and me

Well, I am finding this fill has made the world of difference but ya know, I am also finding disappointment growing... if I don't have a nice delish meal I am deeply disappointed because I really can't just have another (like I used to) to make the flavour sensation work it LOL

Mind you I have had moments where I wondered if my fill went on a holiday - dinner last night? I could have easily had seconds! At least now I feel more able to stick to my plate and bowl that I got from the surgery.

Also, 600 kj of anything I like (yes even potato crisps) is also great but I am being stingy - my partner and I shared a 45gm bag yesterday which ended up 100kj shy of my limit - what the hell can you have for 100 kj that's devils food? NOTHING! lol that was just one big tease! I had an extra juice box instead later but still...

So, I have just been reading someone's blog and how difficult it is to limit our food intake. I really do feel for other struggling with food so I think I have found an approach that works for me - wanted to share it without judgement (others should do what is best for them and I admire some of the approaches I read) with anyone who would like to consider this as an alternative approach - mind you this is all in conjunction with being honest with my dietician and taking her advice (without creative license :) So, this way isn't going to be as fast but I am on that road already and if you are careful, healthy and think this is ok - have a go! If not, I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking this is crazy! But I have seen results - I chose not to buy my devils food last shopping day because I just didn't feel like I wanted that much of it!

I know my weight loss hasn't been great and I say it's simply because I have been eating too much. Now, I did beat my self up black and blue about this until I spoke to my dietician (who rocks by the way) and she was saying - no!! be careful how you place 'blame' if you eat too much and you have a band, your fill simply isn't right - it will happen and don't stress. She told me if I need to eat more and as long as it doesn't hurt, doesn't make me sick or feel over full then I need to eat. She would rather I eat a snack than put more taboo onto food for myself or I will never get over my food issues.

She assured me my diet is good and after the two fills (during the op and post op) I see what she means. My fill isn't quiet there yet but as long as I listen to my body and belly and eat good healthy foods, I will continue to eat what amount I need - no point in beating myself up over my fill. I do eat much less now post port revision but I still have moments and I ask myself some questions before considering snacks...

• am I hungry or am I unsatisfied?
• I stand up and walk a bit around the house - does it feel tighter than usual? (if so I am physically full)
• Does my banded area feel sore (if so this is a sign for me that I am over full)
• was my meal good quality? if so can I afford a light snack?
• do I have hunger pains? (eg I just had soup 20 minutes ago and I have hunger pains so I am gonna have a snack)

I really admire those who can still 'diet' - to me it's just become the same word as 'food anxiety' which personally I can't afford to do any more :/

I know my weight loss may be slower for the patience of 'feeling full' and that while I eat for fullness I may be not seen as a dieter but really - I'm kind of ok with that now. Here is what I think about my own situation which my dietician and surgeon started :) Yep - the band is a tool - let it do it's part of the job - I will do mine:

• eat good healthy satisfying foods
• reduce fat and carbs without denying them to myself (because they are part of a healthy food regime in moderation)
• get off my bum - be active (this is my downfall right now!)
  
• respect the fill :) don't push it and learn to 'listen' to it
  

I know I am eating decent food and that I am addressing the taboo of foods (which you know just make you want it more) by actually having them in moderation under the watchful and supportive eye of my dietician. I am convinced that this is the healthier way for me mentally. Hopfully the food desires will come on board.. looking forward to craving watercress one day ..... (actually- don't mind watercress ;)

devilishly delishesly alowed ( 1 a day) snack!


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from: http://www.weightlossforfoodlovers.com/


"Traditional diets have a failure rate of more than 80%. Why? Because traditional diets focus on what we eat rather than why we eat - they require too much deprivation, too much self-discipline and normal people - 80% of people - give up.

We have a powerful psychological link to food - good food and drink is the most fun we can have in public - our mind does not give it up easily! If you try to lose weight without dealing with these feelings, you need too much self-discipline and you will fail."
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Post op appointment - Friday 19th June

Well, I went in for my post op appointment on Friday and I was a little tender - when the surgeon said "lay down on the exam table" I knew what was coming... surely he's not going to give me a fill???!!!!

He peeled the surgitape off and as he put the needle in - he said "there, drink this and tell me if that feels ok" what?? it's done? wow!! I didn't even feel it - I was so happy that the fill went without drama you could not stop me from smiling! :) The fill was a little too much so he had to take some out and my biggest fear was that it was going to be difficult *this time* - nope ..easy peasy! He said that this is supposed to be what it's like and that we did the right thing by revising the port (which was not attached at all appearently - it was flopping around).

So this time he used braided sutures and there are 30 stitches holding it in place - it also feels like its closer to the surface which I worry about when weight comes off that it will show :/ but really - I can get that fixed much later (not ideal but would rather easy fills for now!)

My scar beld a little and the Dr said not to worry as its superficial but I healed much faster last time - I guess thats what happens when you ask existing scar tissue on a wound to heal. He asked if I wanted some steristrips on it and I said definitely which I am proud of becuase normally I would just take a Dr's lead and let it go - want to ensure I minimise scars as much as possible so I am glad & proud I got the strips on :)

My bruises are looking pretty dark - I bruise so easily... will post piccies of my boo boos.... mainly because A) they are fascinating (its an art thing) and B) anyone who reads this who is going to go through a revision can see what it looks like 1 week post op.

Port Revision Operation - yesterday

Well, I am out and feeling much better.

Must get this clear! I am sore - no questioning that but my port area actually feels less painful today than it did pre revision operation so something was obviously wrong (I find out details in my follow up appointment on Friday).

Also, I noticed those forums are really getting me down - must limit my time in there - I posted in a few places that I haven't lost much weight compared to the bandits and the response was 'hope you are doing what you are supposed to theres the implication that I have failed in some way. Well, I know I haven't and that slow weight loss is the actual norm not fast weight loss - just so happens the forums attract people who are progressing (why else would you post?) the side affect is people like me feel a bit embarrassed to post because our success isn't so fast. I hope the posts I made make a difference to those in my position.

Anyway! The surgeon also put an extra 1.5 ml in and it's made a huge difference to my hunger levels - I feel fuller much quicker and am starting to not think about food 24/7 so great news there.

I had a very emotional day though - I was supposed to be first up but obviously two other patients needed to go before me so after getting my adrenaline to keep me going for the first bit of the morn to see me through the op (I was hyped!) and then after watching every patient being carted away except for me - come 11 am my adrenaline levels just crashed.. I started thinking about how I shouldn't be here in the first place and how the last nurse didn't even give a shit and the tears were creeping out of my eyes.. Then - in true 'you're just another patient' style, the orderlies came down to take the last patient (besides me) and the nurse said (trying to let me know she hadn't forgotten me) "this lovely young lady has been waiting ever so patiently to go in and hopefully we can give her some good news soon.." well the orderly turned around, looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and replied while looking at me ..." ppppft, she can wait.."

I cried.

They came to take me up a half hour later and I was sobbing - I have only sobbed 3 times in my life and that just got to me. The same orderly who said something insensitive was carting me to the preop room. Well, they all thought I was just worried and consoled me "it's nothing, it's easy he's done hundreds of ops on lapbands..." well I wanted to hear "we know you are frightened, we hear you when you cry that this is a journey for you and we know this is your body.. it's ok"

well - can't expect that can we. I don't think its anyone's fault - I do think we have a huge deficit in understanding where medical professionals are just too used to this being normal, safe and routine. They would find it very difficult to see this from my perspective - it's my body this is being done to, its the first time you are doing it to me, I'm anxious, its personal, and its MY body being CUT open. This IS the first time for me...

The nurse in the day ward I have to say was very very kind making sure I knew that I was on her mind... I thank her - Mount Hospital Day Ward.

Anyway! Ramble Ramble!

Hoping all goes well from here on!

Some notes on what to expect if any of you need to have a port revision ('cos I had no clue what to expect!)

• It's a day surgery
• one scar (through the main entry scar of your op where they put the band and port through)
• full anaesthesia but the after effects are much less - you are fully awake in about 2 hours
• home the same day
• not as painful as the first operation
• it's easy to forget not to lift (until you do ;) so - don't lift stuff! - who needs another port revision!)
• no sleepies afterwards - you feel with it the day after
• rest for the week though!
• if you can - have someone stay with you by your bed until you are collected by the orderlies - I really could have used a friend!
  

Fill = Nil ...back to surgery :/

Well, went in for my second fill today - I thought my biggest worry was not losing weight (I lost 1 kg which despite my fears is quiet normal for the majority)

So anyway - we had issues with my port last time as it had flipped to an awkward position and it seems as though its worse this time around. As a result, I have to go back in to have the port repositioned. Its a short surgery but still a hospital stay and I am not looking forward to being off work again, recovery time again and the wrist bruising (really don;t want that again!) but it needs to be done. The issues are as outlined to me - concern about the current condition of the port, if the fluid needs to be removed in an emergency it will be difficult (by the experiences I have had - near impossible) and my surgeon is concerned about us having to go through this every adjustment. I could see he blames himself a bit but I am aware that this sort of thing simply just happens. I am concerned that I lost a stitch early on when the nurse made me get up pretty quickly after the op in hospital - I asked for a break and she urged me (told me) to just get up in one go - I felt something 'pop' inside.. well now I think I know what that was.

Anyway - whats done is done and theres not much of a way to find out what really went on so I am in the hands of my capable doc. By the way - he has a zero complication rate and its clear this is just one of those things where the body does what it does no matter how much we try to control it.

Booked in for Monday (yep that soon!) pretty scared and just want to get on with my life and my journey :(

week 6 first fill!

YAY! OK, I went in for my post check up (3 weeks ago after 3 weeks of in between time) and stated how hungry I was - behold, the nutritionist said move onto normal foods if you can. That was the first big win I have had in ages. Do date I lost 5.5 kg and I thought that was bad but its actually pretty good apparently. Now they tried to do a fill but no go - too much swelling etc etc

Today I went in for the fill again - and after some prodding poking and a tad bit of pain, the port was deemed to have moved :( My surgeon, mentioning it may have to be surgically moved, gave it another go and YAY! we got it :) My port had systematically moved (I say this because it is my bodies method of dealing with needles :)) to point downwards and now that we know this the next one should be smoother! 3 mls was placed and I feel so happy that I have left prefill limbo behind and should be on my way to losing weight :D happy happy happy! On another note - certain that I gained weight in my prefill full food weeks, I reluctantly stepped onto the scales and was pretty happy to hear I had lost a whole pound :P) I know it doesn't sound like much but I was darn sure I put on so that's a groovy outcome.

I am staying away from the forums for the simple reason that I thought I was doing things wrong and not losing as much as others - I feel much better not having the temptation to compare myself to other people so win win :)

ps. My belly is uber sore - those needles yick :)But I am so happy my surgeon tried again and got it - legend!

Day 15. 118.5 KG

I lost weight! My only worry is I will be fluctuating an I know I know.. we all lose weight at different levels but I just feel a bit defeated that it wont stabilise.

I went for my first walk yesterday with my gorgeous lil gal Hayley...


I kind of overdid it and it was at the hottest part of the day but by the gods! I enjoyed it! so did Hayley. Anyway things are going good, I am finding mushies very very easy though I woofed down some Dahl yesterday and it hurt a bit ;) NOTE to self, eat slow, take time ...

Oh I also noticed I screwed up my days :/ so I started mushies a bit early (oooops) and my older posts have the wrong day lol silly me!