Vitamins vitamins....

I had a really hard time with my vitamin this morning - had half then the other half which turned my belly before it even got down my throat - one large dry reach and it was out lol

So, this morning I went to the pharmacy (not my regular one) and in soluble vitamins they had berocca and a travel vitamin. The travel one didn'nt have B in it at all and berocca I heard has an ingredient that has seen it banned in some countries sooooooooooo.... the attendant suggested a tonic! I didn't know that we even used that word LOL But I bought it - its called Clements Tonic by Extralife and it's pretty good! I hate the taste of vitamins and this is no different but it has all the regulars in it plus ginko ginseng and selenium so it has a decent range PLUS it has the benefit of being in liquid form so it's easily absorbed by the body. I just added it to some OJ and it was fine....

just thought it may be a nice alternative for others who aren't into soluble tables and such :)

Food and me

Well, I am finding this fill has made the world of difference but ya know, I am also finding disappointment growing... if I don't have a nice delish meal I am deeply disappointed because I really can't just have another (like I used to) to make the flavour sensation work it LOL

Mind you I have had moments where I wondered if my fill went on a holiday - dinner last night? I could have easily had seconds! At least now I feel more able to stick to my plate and bowl that I got from the surgery.

Also, 600 kj of anything I like (yes even potato crisps) is also great but I am being stingy - my partner and I shared a 45gm bag yesterday which ended up 100kj shy of my limit - what the hell can you have for 100 kj that's devils food? NOTHING! lol that was just one big tease! I had an extra juice box instead later but still...

So, I have just been reading someone's blog and how difficult it is to limit our food intake. I really do feel for other struggling with food so I think I have found an approach that works for me - wanted to share it without judgement (others should do what is best for them and I admire some of the approaches I read) with anyone who would like to consider this as an alternative approach - mind you this is all in conjunction with being honest with my dietician and taking her advice (without creative license :) So, this way isn't going to be as fast but I am on that road already and if you are careful, healthy and think this is ok - have a go! If not, I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking this is crazy! But I have seen results - I chose not to buy my devils food last shopping day because I just didn't feel like I wanted that much of it!

I know my weight loss hasn't been great and I say it's simply because I have been eating too much. Now, I did beat my self up black and blue about this until I spoke to my dietician (who rocks by the way) and she was saying - no!! be careful how you place 'blame' if you eat too much and you have a band, your fill simply isn't right - it will happen and don't stress. She told me if I need to eat more and as long as it doesn't hurt, doesn't make me sick or feel over full then I need to eat. She would rather I eat a snack than put more taboo onto food for myself or I will never get over my food issues.

She assured me my diet is good and after the two fills (during the op and post op) I see what she means. My fill isn't quiet there yet but as long as I listen to my body and belly and eat good healthy foods, I will continue to eat what amount I need - no point in beating myself up over my fill. I do eat much less now post port revision but I still have moments and I ask myself some questions before considering snacks...

• am I hungry or am I unsatisfied?
• I stand up and walk a bit around the house - does it feel tighter than usual? (if so I am physically full)
• Does my banded area feel sore (if so this is a sign for me that I am over full)
• was my meal good quality? if so can I afford a light snack?
• do I have hunger pains? (eg I just had soup 20 minutes ago and I have hunger pains so I am gonna have a snack)

I really admire those who can still 'diet' - to me it's just become the same word as 'food anxiety' which personally I can't afford to do any more :/

I know my weight loss may be slower for the patience of 'feeling full' and that while I eat for fullness I may be not seen as a dieter but really - I'm kind of ok with that now. Here is what I think about my own situation which my dietician and surgeon started :) Yep - the band is a tool - let it do it's part of the job - I will do mine:

• eat good healthy satisfying foods
• reduce fat and carbs without denying them to myself (because they are part of a healthy food regime in moderation)
• get off my bum - be active (this is my downfall right now!)
  
• respect the fill :) don't push it and learn to 'listen' to it
  

I know I am eating decent food and that I am addressing the taboo of foods (which you know just make you want it more) by actually having them in moderation under the watchful and supportive eye of my dietician. I am convinced that this is the healthier way for me mentally. Hopfully the food desires will come on board.. looking forward to craving watercress one day ..... (actually- don't mind watercress ;)

devilishly delishesly alowed ( 1 a day) snack!


------------- ~ / / ~ -------------
from: http://www.weightlossforfoodlovers.com/


"Traditional diets have a failure rate of more than 80%. Why? Because traditional diets focus on what we eat rather than why we eat - they require too much deprivation, too much self-discipline and normal people - 80% of people - give up.

We have a powerful psychological link to food - good food and drink is the most fun we can have in public - our mind does not give it up easily! If you try to lose weight without dealing with these feelings, you need too much self-discipline and you will fail."
------------- ~ / / ~ -------------

Post op appointment - Friday 19th June

Well, I went in for my post op appointment on Friday and I was a little tender - when the surgeon said "lay down on the exam table" I knew what was coming... surely he's not going to give me a fill???!!!!

He peeled the surgitape off and as he put the needle in - he said "there, drink this and tell me if that feels ok" what?? it's done? wow!! I didn't even feel it - I was so happy that the fill went without drama you could not stop me from smiling! :) The fill was a little too much so he had to take some out and my biggest fear was that it was going to be difficult *this time* - nope ..easy peasy! He said that this is supposed to be what it's like and that we did the right thing by revising the port (which was not attached at all appearently - it was flopping around).

So this time he used braided sutures and there are 30 stitches holding it in place - it also feels like its closer to the surface which I worry about when weight comes off that it will show :/ but really - I can get that fixed much later (not ideal but would rather easy fills for now!)

My scar beld a little and the Dr said not to worry as its superficial but I healed much faster last time - I guess thats what happens when you ask existing scar tissue on a wound to heal. He asked if I wanted some steristrips on it and I said definitely which I am proud of becuase normally I would just take a Dr's lead and let it go - want to ensure I minimise scars as much as possible so I am glad & proud I got the strips on :)

My bruises are looking pretty dark - I bruise so easily... will post piccies of my boo boos.... mainly because A) they are fascinating (its an art thing) and B) anyone who reads this who is going to go through a revision can see what it looks like 1 week post op.

Port Revision Operation - yesterday

Well, I am out and feeling much better.

Must get this clear! I am sore - no questioning that but my port area actually feels less painful today than it did pre revision operation so something was obviously wrong (I find out details in my follow up appointment on Friday).

Also, I noticed those forums are really getting me down - must limit my time in there - I posted in a few places that I haven't lost much weight compared to the bandits and the response was 'hope you are doing what you are supposed to theres the implication that I have failed in some way. Well, I know I haven't and that slow weight loss is the actual norm not fast weight loss - just so happens the forums attract people who are progressing (why else would you post?) the side affect is people like me feel a bit embarrassed to post because our success isn't so fast. I hope the posts I made make a difference to those in my position.

Anyway! The surgeon also put an extra 1.5 ml in and it's made a huge difference to my hunger levels - I feel fuller much quicker and am starting to not think about food 24/7 so great news there.

I had a very emotional day though - I was supposed to be first up but obviously two other patients needed to go before me so after getting my adrenaline to keep me going for the first bit of the morn to see me through the op (I was hyped!) and then after watching every patient being carted away except for me - come 11 am my adrenaline levels just crashed.. I started thinking about how I shouldn't be here in the first place and how the last nurse didn't even give a shit and the tears were creeping out of my eyes.. Then - in true 'you're just another patient' style, the orderlies came down to take the last patient (besides me) and the nurse said (trying to let me know she hadn't forgotten me) "this lovely young lady has been waiting ever so patiently to go in and hopefully we can give her some good news soon.." well the orderly turned around, looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and replied while looking at me ..." ppppft, she can wait.."

I cried.

They came to take me up a half hour later and I was sobbing - I have only sobbed 3 times in my life and that just got to me. The same orderly who said something insensitive was carting me to the preop room. Well, they all thought I was just worried and consoled me "it's nothing, it's easy he's done hundreds of ops on lapbands..." well I wanted to hear "we know you are frightened, we hear you when you cry that this is a journey for you and we know this is your body.. it's ok"

well - can't expect that can we. I don't think its anyone's fault - I do think we have a huge deficit in understanding where medical professionals are just too used to this being normal, safe and routine. They would find it very difficult to see this from my perspective - it's my body this is being done to, its the first time you are doing it to me, I'm anxious, its personal, and its MY body being CUT open. This IS the first time for me...

The nurse in the day ward I have to say was very very kind making sure I knew that I was on her mind... I thank her - Mount Hospital Day Ward.

Anyway! Ramble Ramble!

Hoping all goes well from here on!

Some notes on what to expect if any of you need to have a port revision ('cos I had no clue what to expect!)

• It's a day surgery
• one scar (through the main entry scar of your op where they put the band and port through)
• full anaesthesia but the after effects are much less - you are fully awake in about 2 hours
• home the same day
• not as painful as the first operation
• it's easy to forget not to lift (until you do ;) so - don't lift stuff! - who needs another port revision!)
• no sleepies afterwards - you feel with it the day after
• rest for the week though!
• if you can - have someone stay with you by your bed until you are collected by the orderlies - I really could have used a friend!
  

Fill = Nil ...back to surgery :/

Well, went in for my second fill today - I thought my biggest worry was not losing weight (I lost 1 kg which despite my fears is quiet normal for the majority)

So anyway - we had issues with my port last time as it had flipped to an awkward position and it seems as though its worse this time around. As a result, I have to go back in to have the port repositioned. Its a short surgery but still a hospital stay and I am not looking forward to being off work again, recovery time again and the wrist bruising (really don;t want that again!) but it needs to be done. The issues are as outlined to me - concern about the current condition of the port, if the fluid needs to be removed in an emergency it will be difficult (by the experiences I have had - near impossible) and my surgeon is concerned about us having to go through this every adjustment. I could see he blames himself a bit but I am aware that this sort of thing simply just happens. I am concerned that I lost a stitch early on when the nurse made me get up pretty quickly after the op in hospital - I asked for a break and she urged me (told me) to just get up in one go - I felt something 'pop' inside.. well now I think I know what that was.

Anyway - whats done is done and theres not much of a way to find out what really went on so I am in the hands of my capable doc. By the way - he has a zero complication rate and its clear this is just one of those things where the body does what it does no matter how much we try to control it.

Booked in for Monday (yep that soon!) pretty scared and just want to get on with my life and my journey :(

week 6 first fill!

YAY! OK, I went in for my post check up (3 weeks ago after 3 weeks of in between time) and stated how hungry I was - behold, the nutritionist said move onto normal foods if you can. That was the first big win I have had in ages. Do date I lost 5.5 kg and I thought that was bad but its actually pretty good apparently. Now they tried to do a fill but no go - too much swelling etc etc

Today I went in for the fill again - and after some prodding poking and a tad bit of pain, the port was deemed to have moved :( My surgeon, mentioning it may have to be surgically moved, gave it another go and YAY! we got it :) My port had systematically moved (I say this because it is my bodies method of dealing with needles :)) to point downwards and now that we know this the next one should be smoother! 3 mls was placed and I feel so happy that I have left prefill limbo behind and should be on my way to losing weight :D happy happy happy! On another note - certain that I gained weight in my prefill full food weeks, I reluctantly stepped onto the scales and was pretty happy to hear I had lost a whole pound :P) I know it doesn't sound like much but I was darn sure I put on so that's a groovy outcome.

I am staying away from the forums for the simple reason that I thought I was doing things wrong and not losing as much as others - I feel much better not having the temptation to compare myself to other people so win win :)

ps. My belly is uber sore - those needles yick :)But I am so happy my surgeon tried again and got it - legend!

Day 15. 118.5 KG

I lost weight! My only worry is I will be fluctuating an I know I know.. we all lose weight at different levels but I just feel a bit defeated that it wont stabilise.

I went for my first walk yesterday with my gorgeous lil gal Hayley...


I kind of overdid it and it was at the hottest part of the day but by the gods! I enjoyed it! so did Hayley. Anyway things are going good, I am finding mushies very very easy though I woofed down some Dahl yesterday and it hurt a bit ;) NOTE to self, eat slow, take time ...

Oh I also noticed I screwed up my days :/ so I started mushies a bit early (oooops) and my older posts have the wrong day lol silly me!

Vegetarian Alternatives

(other meat and replacement alternatives)

other alternatives - American but we have similar products in Australia Including Zoglos, Santiarium etc

==========================
ZOGLOS (sorry no web link)
==========================
Try the Schnitzels and the burgers.
Their sausages/burgers have a more 'meaty' taste to them if you miss meat. Their schnitzels are the best!

I've found them in IGA stores and some coles stores - frozen goods section


==========================
SANTARIUM
==========================
Probably the most well known Aussie brand for veggie products.

My fave products are:

Sausage roll mix (hard to find now - comes in a small box) Its very strong but if you add vegetables you can make your own pasties, patties etc.



BBQ sausages - I used to make up a veggie casserole with brown onion gravy mix in some tomato sauce and some soy sauce, when cooked add pre pan fried cut up sausages to make a sausage casserole - this is such comfort food for winter for the whole family. The sausages come in many flavours by the way including curry and chicken...

Deli slices - great on sandwiches

Bacon (we call it FAKon) - even meat eaters have loved this when I have used it. I dont pan fry it - I nuke it for low fat content but if you need a prtein snack a couple of these are really tasty!

NOT burgers - delish but be warned these are very oily and try not to add any oil to your pan when cooking - cook low and slow.


Their Deli Rolls (like one of those luncheon rolls) are nice - my partner loves these and he is a meat eater - her prefers it to salami etc its high protein and he cuts it up and puts it in his salads. If you are a deli roll family - try this and don't tell anyone its veggie - the deli rolls with meat have so much rubbish in them they don't even taste like meat so I will bet you that they wont even know its veggie :)

Schnitzels are nice but not as good as Zoglos IMO (I think they changed their recipe)

Lentil patties - these are nice for a wholefood flavour and a bit healthier but not as much protein.

I don't like their TVP, nor their bagged deli minces - I think they're awful!

Found at most stores including Woolworths


==========================
Odds and sods..
==========================
This is probably the best ever product for my taste buds.. but it is notoriously difficult to hunt down in WA...


EATWELL products
Vegetable Salami (Australian Eatwell) (vegan)
Description: Vegetarian salami
Features: 99% fat-free; 0% cholesterol; dairy free; source of fibre
Varieties: Sundried Tomato & Cracked Pepper; Mixed Vegetable
Available from most supermarkets (refrigerated). For an exact list of stockists please call Australian Eatwell on 1300 780 232 (I'm gonna call 'em :))

They also have yummy sausages with a more health food wholesome tasty flavour - kind of a nice vegetable mixture sausage flavour rather than meat - great for those who are veggie because they don't like meat flavour/texture. These are delicate so be gentle in the pan - taste great squished in a roll or wrap for those who can eat bread :) Their lentil patties (vacuum sealed clear pack) are delightful - again vegetable and bean tasty without meat replacements for those who like the veggie flavours instead (I like both and these still go down a treat)



FRY's products
Also great - very meaty flavour for those missing the ol' meat taste (and before anyone says why not eat meat then - there are many reasons for being veggie - animal care is one of them - why have meat when there is a high protein alternative that tastes just as good??)- frozen goods section. Readily available in VIC occasionally in WA.



SOYCO products
Marinated Tofu's the satay is delish!!

Beijing Soyabean products
I love their TOFU - they are the best at this product with a variety of marinades - garlic, honey soy, satay etc I found them in some coles stores in vacuum sealed clear packs in the veggie deli section.

These images etc are taken from : Vegetarian Network Victoria - its worth checking them out :)

Recipes : Veggie Mince (whole food stage)

VEGGIE ALTERNATIVES TO MEAT
========================= ===
I have tried the sanitarium mince and I hate it :) I use VTP/tvp -AVAILABLE AT MOST HEALTH SHOPS -(santiarium use to make them actually also but they're not the best)

It's sometimes called TVP or VTP "Vegetable Textured Protein" and its VERY high in protein very low in fat. It is a soy extracted protein and its dehydrated and looks kind of like cereal at first. You add in 1 cup of HOT stock per one cup of TVP - let sit for 5 mins.





image from http://community.livejournal.com/vegancooking/tag/ethnic+food-italian-pasta


image from: http://nowheyjose.com/2007/11/
their recipe: http://nowheyjose.com/recipes/meatballs-italiano/

========================= ============
USES (after prepared with the stock):
========================= ============
Add to a heated jar of pasta sauce for your spag bog (trust me, not many people can tell the difference!)

Add in a pan to a small amount of olive oil, onions, some peas, beans and corn. Fry. Add some tomato sauce and a bit of soy and fry until crispy looking you can also add some curry - this is a great alternative to a turkish style mince.

Mix 2 cups of prepared TVP with:
-a cup of whole wheat bread crumbs,
-2 cloves of garlic (more if you like) and one capsicum and one onion chopped finely and pre fried,
-4 tblspns grated parmesan,
-2 tbslspns tomato sauce
-1 tblsnp soy sauce
- and one egg.
(add fave spices if you like!)

Mix well, make into rissoles or burgers and press into more crumbs, spray with o'oil spray and either bake or fry (if frying do it at a low heat because you haven't added much oil to fry in) I call these protein bombs because they are very high in protein!! 2 should give you a great protein amount for the day.


The sky is the limit with TVP - things to avoid is allowing it to 'boil' for long periods in sauce (it goes a bit bleh when over soaked). I add a prepared batch straight to my simmered pasta sauce and turn the heat off. But you could use it in cannelloni filling, burgers, bakes, 'meat' loafs.. its pretty yummy too


some recipe links for VTP:

Home Made breakfast sausage patties (VEGAN)

VTP Taco's


Spaghetti and TVP meatballs

DAY 14.

Things are much much better. My Uncle called yesterday who has had the operation - I really don't get to speak to him much and besides being a fantastic bloke he was really supportive. It was great to hear about someone else's experience first hand where I could ask questions as they arose.

The pain is really manageable and I have almost no pain now besides some discomfort sitting at the computer for too long and some discomfort sleeping the wrong way or twisting my torso to the left .. it's that darn port everyone keeps mentioning in their own journeys!

I feel in much better spirits and much more myself - also I started mushies!!! YAY! I can't say how much of a relief that's been however I am finding I am REALLY hungry. Gonna have to ask the dietician about that (see both her and the surgeon on Friday next week)

Day 10. 119 kg

I had a rough hurdle with a bit of port pain but over all yesterday was minor pain and today is even better - I can get up and down with minimal pain and I find I am having to think less about how I move which is just fantastic! It's making me feel more like me again :)

I have felt hungry a few times but it's not as much as a big deal as it used to be - now I just have a bit of soup and I'm fine. I find water or juice fills me up. My weakness - juice. It's so tasty compared to water and I have to watch that.

Easter was a bit difficult mainly because I didn't want to go to Easter lunch with my partner and his family. They are not the most boundary respecting people and I couldn't bare the possible onslaught of questions about how much I have lost etc. The main reason for not going however was that I think its torture no less to sit with a bunch of people eating normal food. Just wasn't somewhere I wanted to put myself right now. Was a little lonely but my darling didn't stay long and it was nice to have him back home - my naughty today was that I sucked on 2 of those tiny eggs and a Lindt mini bunny ear and bum :D Very bad. But gee - I enjoyed it!

I am having some problems with some existing issues like my numb leg thing (doesn't normally happen often and so harsh because I am more mobile usually) and my right hip which I have no clue what's wrong with it but its getting to the time when I have to check it out - keeps me up at night.

Above all - major issues to contend with right now: Keeping on top of fibre ;) - my hip - and my energy levels. Not a bad point to be at though!

Day 6 same weight

Apparently my Dietician says the weight wont be reliable because of water retention during this phase but I cant help but look!!!

I am having a difficult time sleeping from pain - I also have a weird existing thing ever since I was in hospital last with I think nerve damage to my left thigh. If I lay on my back in a certain way or for too long it goes numb and its been numb since I got out of hospital. I realised just how far hospital beds have come because it wasnt so bad in there. So, if I lay on my back my leg is numb to the point where I get ice pick senstations (painful) if I lay on my right side my left arm (which is my sore wrist side) goes numb and I cant yet lay on my left side or tummy so that leave me eternally uncomfortable :/ I can't wait until I can get a good nights sleep. I think it will have to be naps rather than full nights.

The Panadine Forte that they prescribed helps me sleep a little but I have nightmares from it - odd huh!

I feel in better spirits though and am about to make my soy protein shots so I hope they taste alright and better yet - hope they go down smoothly!

Nose bleeding has slowed down though I am getting snot attacks in the middle of the night lol. They come from nowhere and I (must off load about a bucket full - ok exaggerating but 4 tissues later and its starts to subside...wonder what that's about?!)

Day 5. Updates....

I called people - got answers.

I called the pathologist and they did screw up the test - they missed some blood work and wanted me to go back. I told them - thanks but I would call my Dr first.

I called the Dr's and at first (probably because I was quite distraught at that stage) they were a bit defensive and a little cold about it all. I explained the stress I was feeling and that my wrists were to sore to get more bloods and she agreed that I would be pushing it to get more blood right now. The secretary I think realised I was on the edge and a bit at the mercy of my body. With in minutes the nurse called me who was supposed to call me 2-3 days after op but didn't. (I don't feel animosity towards her because if someone gets missed off a list it is almost always me so I gather I just went under the radar). The nurse was great - apparently the excess bruising and the nose bleeds are due to a sensitivity to heparin (blood thinner). I still can clearly see they had a hard time with my veins so that didn't help. Next time around my anaesthetist will get the whole story - "I have a sensitivity to heparin, small veins, do a cut cut down if you cant tap a vein ppppaaaahLEEEEZ" Last time I was in surgery which was many moons ago, they couldn't tap a vein so they did a cut down in my ankle and the healing time ironically was much much faster.

Anyway, the nurse gave me great advice and it really calmed me down. I felt like a lot of what I was feeling was normal and the delays in healing only due to the heparin and the hernia and that it was very ok to be feeling under par. So.. hopefully tomorrow is better.

I then got a call from the dietician who was great - she told me amongst some great advice for nourishment and care, that the good news was that my cholesterol was great, no probs with blood sugar etc that I had very healthy blood work (so the pathology unit got some of the blood taking right). Everyone advised to forget the extra tests for now and worry about it when I have my first appointment with the surgeon.

For anyone out there reading this that has after care concerns, call people. I let it get to boiling point before I did because the medical industry makes you feel so silly for asking - but I am so glad I did. Demand that someone cares about you! and try to hear that little voice saying "you deserve to be cared for by these people"

It pays to get your surgeon BEFORE the surgery to tell you what after care exactly you can expect - what is their after-care protocols.

I wrote in my post in the Lap Band surgery forum, a list on what to ask about on top of your own list in terms of after care...

* To know pre op what after op contact I can expect
* To have phone numbers and an "Its OK to call us" statement from Dr's Dieticians and after care expert like a nurse or something
* Ideally I would have liked to have heard from my dietician after day 2 (on day 3) because thats when you are starting to experience the shock of liquids and problems of certain liquids. So ask if your dietician can call you 2-3 days post op to check on you.

Day 5. 121.6 kg :/ wrists worse

OK I had a big cry last night in bed. I got a letter from the pathologists saying I needed to have my bloods taken again so someone probably screwed up somewhere. My right wrist is KILLING me and I had to even take a pain killer for it. I consider myself to have a high pain threshold (I once walked around for a fair while with a broken toe thinking it was just a bit 'off') but this is just getting me down. When I got that letter, I had just gone to sit down and placed my weight on my right hand stretching my supposed artline site and I felt something tear - then I had with in minutes more darkness around that area. There is a white area around the injection points (all 9 of them) that is very very painful to touch. It has been extra sore ever since I used it and it even hurts to type. BUT I am determined to get this off my chest.

That letter made me furious. If any of these people saw my arms right now, a WHOLE 6 DAYS after the op - they would feel mighty guilty about sending me back to some incompetent person with a needle. I can not bare to have a needle near my arms right now and the thought is making me feel physically ill.

I thought a lot about it last night and I honestly think the second anaesthetist I was introduced to as "He is going to sit in" was training. I honestly believe he used me as a pin cushion. Fair enough, I have difficult veins and its the best way for these people to learn but I can not help but feel a couple of things here:

*ANYONE should be asked if its ok iof people train on them

*It may be routine surgery to them but to me? it's the first time I have experienced anything like this.

*There is a real person on the end of that needle and she actually feels quite real pain and discomfort.

This whole thing has left me feeling like I am a pay packet to the medical profession and that really - none of them actually care. I am so angry that I am going to call 3 people today - My surgeon to ask why he needs blood and to stick that request, the anaesthetist to ask if the sit in was in training, and the pathologist to ask why my bloods were re-requested.

I quite honestly have had enough of these people. I know my surgeon is kind, I watched him with the woman next to me - I know the anaesthetist was sweet and gentle but why the hell do my wrists look like I have been tortured still at day 6????
My dietician was very sympathetic and helpful but why did she never call me back when I told them I had stomach and bowel cramps from the optifast? None of these people care about me - really. I have stopped telling my partner about this stuff and I slept in the other room last night because I knew how upset I was. I think he thinks I am being over the top but wow, I really do feel like none of this from the medical profession has been about helping me. The only time people call me is if they are worried about payment.

Quite angry and upset today. These bruises aren't normal and I should have to pretend to everyone that its ok.

Day 4. Breakthroughs!

121.0 kg!

Today I was able to have a whole up and go! I am so happy! This morning I also blew my nose and dislodged the nasty clot that was blocking my breathing so thats a bonus despite how gross it sounds ;)

Last night my adorable partner bought me a choccy gelatino with the thinking that I should be on more nourishing liquids by now so that went down a treat - was low fat, decent protein and delish! though it is only a sometimes treat. I have been very very good on this so far and have stuck to the requirements by the word so I hope a low fat gelatino wasn't a really bad choice. I figured when I am having trouble getting down my first options pain free that would be an ok possibility. I am so scared of making a habit of bad food choices that I don't think the gelatino will become a staple at all ;)

My bruising on my arm and wrists from the many pokes with the needle during the operation are quite severe and are very painful - the slightest brush against anything including my dressing gown hurts. I know I have elusive veins but really- I wish they would take more care. It is day 5 now and I am surprised at the intensity of the bruises. I guess though I'm just feeling sore and I do appreciated my anaesthetist whom I felt did what he could with what I had... I have some shots just so if there is anyone else out there like me (with crappy veins) you can see what to expect. I do sound like I am whining but they really are sore and it hurts to even lean the right wrist in particular on my table.













I feel much better today and actually woke up identifying a feeling of hunger which was good in a way.

Now, here are the dilemmas I am facing... protein. I'm vegetarian, lactose intolerant (I know - I am going to pay for that up and go!) and protein on liquids is hard to come by. Most of my pre op protein was pretty easy to source in things like VTP (veggie textured protein) which is higher in protein than meat! and more easily absorbed (it always annoyed me when people said "my god! how do you get enough protein???!" - they were always shocked to hear me say "actually I guarantee I get more protein than you") So anyhoo, protein. Here's what I plan to do - I can handle for short bursts one up and go a day with minimal issues (sometimes a bit of bowel pain) so I will alternate one day on and off for the up an go. Some other options I have been thinking about....

* SOY SMOOTHIE soy milk with a bit of banana blended really well to a milky consistency (I LOVE banana.. unfortunately its not great in large doses)

* PROTEIN SUPPLEMENT thinking of picking up some of the protein powder you can add to your food and pop some in one of my soups

I will try to think of some other things that don't make me want to hurl like eggnogs do ewwwwww

So, feeling much more optimistic today - was very emotional yesterday but I am looking forward to a brighter future relationship with my food. I think moving to the next food step (protein) has given me a load of confidence.

I still feel like my guts are going to come out of my port wound when I lay down on my side LOL and the wounds still smart a bit but feel more internal now that anything which is also great news. I can walk without anything but mild discomfort and I can yawn again without chest pain! I'm hoping I can get down my soup today!

I was surprised to find out that the port is placed where the biggest incision is and the band went through what to me looks like the smallest incision! I have a piccy here of my day 5 belly which can show you where its all located. Of course everyone will be different and I suspect many people have dissimilar wounds.

So far...

I've just started this because I really don't know anyone who has had gastric lap banding and done what they were told to do. My Uncle, who lives across the country whom I hardly speak to had it done but didn't follow the Dr's advice and my partners Aunt had it done a while ago and same thing.

I went to an online forum I have been following for some time leading up to the operation and finally got the nerve to post but my post went unnoticed. I am a bit down about that but I guess a lot of those people were conversing a fair bit leading up to the operation.

I wont go into details yet as to why I wanted to get this done but to give you a brief oversight - I had dieted all my life (since I was 9 actually -despite my Mothers protests she let me go to weight watchers) and it has set me up for food being THE thing in my life. Recently we were almost pregnant and after things settled down my Doctor had some reality checks for me on health, weight, pregnancy and happiness. I had considered this surgery before but I really didn't know much about it so I kept the questions to myself. She suggested it as a possibility and it wasn't too far from what I was considering. Anyway, I booked an appointment to see a local well known surgeon and the secretary was quite cold and smug. I felt uneasy about being just a cash cow - I wanted someone who had my health as the priority not my wallet. Someone gave me the name of a surgeon who I just happened to research the week before and I booked in.

He was doing a trial at the time on the benefits if any of pre op dieting using optifast and a low calorie diet. I signed up and was assigned the optifast rather than the control diet of eating what you liked. No biggy. An opportunity. However, I did tell my dietician that I was slightly lactose intolerant. Turns out I am rather lactose intolerant and spent the first 4 days of the LCD on the loo with severe stomach and bowel cramps. I called them twice and asked someone to call me back as I wanted to drop out of the trial but no one bothered to call. I just dropped the trial as I figured I would rather not go in for an op with no nutrients in my body and a stressed stomach. I hope it was the right thing. I watched my food intake anyway because it was just a good idea to start thinking (but I did have a couple of goodbye favourite food meals ;))

So, April the 2nd - my op date - rocked up and I was terribly nervous but I luckily was placed in a shared room with someone else getting the same thing with the same surgeon. She was fantastic and I think I would have been much more stressed not knowing someone at the time.

Post op - turns out all 3 of us had surprise hernias which our surgeon repaired. I was in a great deal of discomfort and I think the nurses kind of dismissed it. There was a point when they first got me to get up that I coughed while I was getting up from my side and I felt something pop..I am still worried about that because I have been in a bit of pain since and most people seem to be good by this point. I also felt the surgeon kind of didn’t care much for me either as the time he spent with my roomie was much more and much nicer than time with me. He also prescribed medication that was a bit more pain relieving to her than me..not sure what that was about but basically I could have in hind sight used a bit more quality post op talk time with the surgeon.

At home was rough. My partner is great but he is busy with work so the day I came out he dropped me off home, popped me in bed and left to go back to work. I have no family here either so I felt a bit alone. I have had a lot of nose bleeding and have been coughing up mucus with blood in it which I am certain is just from my nose. I think the oxygen may have just dried out and cracked my nostrils so I hope thats all that is though my nose is blocked a lot from dried blood which when I blow out - it just bleeds again :/ I also had what I am sure is akin to pleurisy - well it felt like it! but as I don’t know anyone who has gone through this who I can talk to I don't know if the lung pain is normal.

I got shoulder tip pain as well - yay - that was damn painful and 1.5 panadine forte later I pretty much knocked my self out (it helped).

I am on day 4 right now and I cant seem to have more than 1/2 teaspoon of soup which is much thinner than required. I don't know if thats normal either :/ I feel right now a tad bit alone and a bit left out in the dark. I don't know what to do about food, I tried cold and warm soup but my oesophagus really spasms and hurts when I swallow down that bit of soup... I guess I will have to stick to clear liquid a bit. I am so looking forward to 'eating' without pain!

I am getting loads of fluids and taking a dissolved and flat supradyn soluble vitamin every day so I will see how things go. Wish I knew people who were going through this as well.